I’ve had 90 people fill in my sex survey this year and one of the 21 questions I asked was: “Do you believe in soul ties?” I had a varied response.
Just less than 1 in 5 people said “no” &
Just over 1 in 5 said “yes”
So combining these, 40% of the answers were definite yes/no answers.
Another 33.3% (or 1/3) of the answers were a little less dogmatic:
1 in 15 said “probably”
1 in 18 said “probably not”
Just over 1 in 15 said “maybe” or “I don’t know”
And 2 in 15 said “sometimes”
A lot of the people who said “sometimes” indicated that sex creates a soul tie if there is a pre-existing relationship–particularly one of love–with the person. They generally agreed that a one-night stand does not create a soul tie.
So just over 75% of the answers were a mixture of yes, no, “yes & no” (2%), probably, probably not, I don’t know, maybe, and some of the time.
The other almost 25% gave these sorts of responses:
Nearly 8% said that if you believe sex creates a soul tie then it creates one in your mind
Almost 4.5% talked about vulnerability, giving part of yourself away, and sex changing you as a person.
2% did not answer.
The other 10% either replaced the word “soul tie” with the word “connection” or said that having sex creates a bond.
Truthfully, I don’t know if sex creates a soul tie. I also can’t really describe what a soul tie is. I was taught about soul ties in church and told that every sexual partner creates a soul tie, including rapists or abusers, one night stands and ex-spouses. I was told that all of these kinds of soul ties need to be broken by prayer so that we can create healthy soul ties with our spouse without being hindered by other soul ties. It was said that soul ties are like pieces of person’s soul that unite with your soul or vice versa. It was also, therefore, indicated that the more people a person has sex with, the more their soul is spread thin because they keep giving pieces of themselves away.
However, as one survey said, the words soul & tie do not appear together in the Bible. What the Bible does say is “the two become one flesh” and “what God has joined let no man separate.” Let’s be honest: both of these verses sound more like they are talking about the body than the soul.
One of the survey answers that stood out to me, said that every soul is tied with every other soul. This idea suggests that we do not create or sever soul ties with anyone. It is only that when we engage in sexual activities or blood rituals or vows / promises / covenants etc., that bonds perhaps become even stronger. I like this idea because if I were to truly believe in soul ties, I would say that at the very least I have soul ties with all the members of my family. The experience of grieving my mother’s death was like the temporary (until the afterlife) severing of a deep bond or soul tie with her that took a long time for me to re-contextualise.
As a Universalist-Christian I believe that all human beings are family and even though I may not grieve over every death the way I grieved for my mother, I have this expectancy in my soul that I will only ever be truly happy, when every human being who ever existed is united in love eternally in the afterlife. I guess you could say that I agree with the opinion that all souls are tied.
So then it makes sense to me that when we have sex we are not so much creating a soul tie, as deepening a pre-existing bond. It also makes sense that this would only happen some of the time. A one night stand would be more easily forgotten than someone you are married to for 15-30 years.
I think that sex is meant to nurture the relational bond between partners. I also think it is difficult to let go of previous sexual partners and even sexual abuse without a period of proper grief and detachment. Relational bonds grow stronger or weaker with different people all the time. There are lost friendships I still grieve over even more than I grieve for men I’ve engaged in sexual activities with. Perhaps in that sense I agree that the bond really is in the mind. We attach meaning to our relationships all the time, and so we can grieve differently for one than for another.
I enjoyed reading the varied responses I received to this question. I would still love to have at least 10 more people complete the survey before I publish my book–hopefully by the end of February 2016. And I would love to hear your opinion on soul ties so that we can learn and grow from each other. Contact me at: