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Pro-Life and Pro-Choice Blog#1

Posted on 5 December 202019 December 2020 by Elissa Anne

Pro-life or pro-choice?

I am both.

I want to launch back into blog writing by starting a series of discussions about abortion. As a child I was taught that abortion was murder and murder was a sin, therefore, abortion was also wrong. I didn’t begin to question this until adulthood when I heard about some of the reasons for medical terminations and realised that abortion is not a black and white issue. Abortion is not always right or always wrong and ultimately, I do not believe we should ever judge the woman who has had an abortion because we have not lived their lives or walked in their shoes. I want to share some of their stories in order to broaden our views about this sensitive issue.

Sometimes there are medical reasons for having an abortion. This is better known as a medical termination. For my first blog in the series, I would like to share the story of a mother who walked this difficult path:

A woman in her early thirties who had had one miscarriage and two subsequent children, was trying to conceive another child. She underwent fertility treatments and conceived after a year. While she was pregnant she discovered that her baby had a large cystic hygroma. This is a growth on the head or neck that contains cysts that continue to multiply. The baby’s lymphatic vascular system did not develop normally. Her lungs had fluid in them and were not developing in a way that sustains life after birth. Her heart and other organs were also surrounded by fluid.

Multiple specialists gave this baby a poor prognosis. In other words, they told the mother that her baby was going to die one way or another. They said that if the baby made it to full term, they could put the baby on life support through a very complicated procedure while still in the womb. The baby’s life would be sustained by medical equipment after birth, only to die a very slow and painful death outside of the womb.

This woman and her husband made the agonising decision to have a medical termination at 15 weeks gestation. This was not an unplanned pregnancy or an unloved baby. This was a baby who was very much loved and longed for by parents who had to undergo treatment just to conceive in the first place. This was a hopeless situation in which the baby girl’s parents had to make an excruciating decision to end her life in order to spare her more pain.

So, at 15 weeks this baby was induced and born into the world to minimise her suffering as she died. Her parents held her tiny lifeform in their arms and grieved the loss of their darling daughter. They were so grateful just to meet her and have the memory of holding her. Even though they experience some guilt and, at times, a lack of support for their decision, they are convinced it was the right decision for their circumstances.

“Do what is right for your baby. Don’t listen to others who think they understand … they don’t. You cannot know how it feels until you are
faced with a choice that really isn’t a choice. You may think you
would never make the decision to terminate, but will find you change when you are presented with all the information from multiple specialists.”

The mother of this precious baby joined support groups to process all that she had gone through. She later had another healthy baby.

Judgement in the book of Obadiah

Posted on 4 September 2017 by Elissa Anne

In the short, poetic prophecy of Obadiah violent language is employed:

Obadiah (8) “In that day,” declares the Lord, “will I not destroy the wise men of Edom, those of understanding in the mountains of Esau? (9) Your warriors, Teman, will be terrified, and everyone in Esau’s mountains will be cut down in the slaughter. (10) Because of the violence against your brother Jacob, you will be covered with shame; you will be destroyed forever.”

Then we have a clear statement of judgement:

Obadiah (15) “The day of the Lord is near for all nations. As you have done, it will be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head.

Followed by this prophecy:

Obadiah (17) But on Mount Zion will be deliverance; it will be holy, and Jacob will possess his inheritance. (18) Jacob will be a fire and Joseph a flame; Esau will be stubble and they will set him on fire and destroy him. There will be no survivors in Esau.” The Lord has spoken. (19) People from the Negev will occupy the mountains of Esau … (21) Deliverers will go up on Mount Zion to govern the mountains of Esau. And the kingdom will be the Lord’s.

Judgement in Obadiah is focused on the descendants of Jacob and Esau. Jacob and Esau were twin brothers who parted ways in Genesis and Esau’s family are not included in the genealogy of the Israelites. This prophecy mentions violence that has been committed against the tribe of Jacob by the tribe of Esau. The result of violence is judgement! In this case the judgement sounds an awful lot like the crime. “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth” (Exodus 21:24) type judgment. Jacob will set fire to Esau and there will be no survivors.

The judgement on Jacob is one of deliverance! He is set free from the violence of his brother. And the judgement on Esau is to experience the consequences of his actions: wrath. Eye for an eye. Or as we would say today, “what goes around comes around.”

Yet the last part of the prophecy says that there will be deliverers ruling Esau and the kingdom of Esau will be the Lord’s. This sounds like a victory for God and alludes to something more than the literal destruction of Esau. Keep in mind that the prophecy was written in poetic language and that it is not literal. Jacob is not literally a fire. Esau is not literally stubble. These descriptions tell us that Jacob will overpower Esau as fire overpowers stubble. What if the phrase “destroyed forever” refers to the violence of Esau being destroyed? Then God–who is love and not violence–becomes the ruler of the kingdom of Esau. So judgement results in the cessation of violence and the deliverance of those who are being violated!

Is God’s Love Unconditional

Posted on 21 July 2017 by Elissa Anne

The most important thing we can ever say about God the Father is that the Father is love. Sadly, when we think of earthly fathers, mothers and parents we do not always think of love. Sometimes we think of anger, abuse, neglect and trauma. It is not always easy to understand that God the Father is far better than any earthly father or mother. We get our definition of God the Father as love, from the Bible.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

The Father’s love is not conditioned by what we do i.e. when we are good he loves us and when we are bad he hates us. He is never hateful. He never rejects or neglects us. He never uses or abuses us. Most importantly, he doesn’t need us to be a certain way, or do particular things in order to be pleased with us and to love us. The Father loves all the time. Love doesn’t stop loving. In that sense, the Father’s love is unconditional toward us. It cannot be transformed into hatred, it cannot cease, it cannot fail. The Father is always love.

Yet there is another sense in which the Father’s love is not exactly unconditional. The phrase in 1 Corinthians 13:6 which says “love does not delight in evil,” helps us to understand the conditional side of love. I am not talking about the Father’s love being pliable or something you or I could manipulate. The church has taught for so long that we are capable of offending God and this leads us down a slippery slope of thinking that God could possibly hate us or reject us eternally. That is why we must meditate on 1 Corinthians 13 as our definition for what the love of God is. “It keeps no record of wrong.” “It always protects.” “Love never fails.” And yet, still, “love does not delight in evil.” This means that if we are infected by evil or sin—and I believe we all are—then the Father point blank refuses to let us stay like that because he is love.

The Father’s love is not conditional toward us in the sense that he needs us to be whole in order to love us, but the Father’s love is conditional in the sense that he refuses to let us be anything but whole because the only way we can truly receive his love, is in wholeness. He doesn’t need us to be whole in order to love us, but we need to be whole in order to perceive that love. The Father doesn’t need us to be saved, purified, sanctified, justified, forgiven or redeemed in order to love us, but love refuses to stand-by and watch the world simply give up and die. Love doesn’t say: “Do whatever you like and I will always love you.” Can you imagine if a suicidal teenager said to his mother, “I’m going to jump off a cliff today,” and she responded “Do whatever you like, honey. I will always love you!” Of what use is the love of the Father if we are all dead? Or what if we are incapable of perceiving and experiencing that love? What good is love, if we don’t recognize it? Love says: “Because I love you, you can do whatever you like, but I will fight to the death to save you from these things you think you like that are not actually doing you any good.”

Do you see what I’m getting at here? God the Father loves us unconditionally. I don’t think it is wrong to use this phrase as long as we qualify it. He doesn’t need us to change to keep loving us. But his love will inevitably change us. His love will save us. His love refuses to let us go down to the pit and die. His love refuses to put up with sin forever because “love does not delight in evil.”

The Trying Game

Posted on 13 January 201713 January 2017 by Elissa Anne

I watched my sister (in-law) give birth to a perfect baby girl on Wednesday August 17th 2016. It was a wonderful experience and since I was already hoping to have a baby the following year, I asked my husband if we could start trying a month early. The original plan was to start trying in October because I planned to finish my degree in late June (2017) and could give birth any time after that. I figured a month early wouldn’t hurt, even if we did fall pregnant straight away. I only had 1.3 subjects left to complete (the 0.3 referring to a compulsory subject that extends over the life of the 3 year course). If necessary, I could finish my assignments early or get extensions to finish them a little late. I started taking prenatal vitamins a month or two before my niece was born and stopped drinking alcohol in July (at least temporarily).

So we started trying for a baby in September. All that meant was that we stopped using condoms during sex. I had never taken the pill or other precautions. In fact I monitored my cycle and I knew that there were only two weeks of the month that we needed to use condoms and two weeks that we could have unprotected sex without the likelihood of falling pregnant. That method worked for a year and a half.

I don’t know why I got my hopes up in September. I guess I just never really expected falling pregnant to be difficult. I have a very regular cycle. My mum conceived four children easily and had no known miscarriages. My sister-in-law had just had baby number five and all of her children were conceived within a month or so of trying. But when I took a pregnancy test a week before my next period was due and it was negative, I was disappointed and few days later, I cried.

October came around and I was determined to be positive. I spoke to my body every day. I told my uterus that it was forming a healthy lining for my baby. I told my egg that it was going to meet the sperm and implant in my uterus. I also monitored my basal cell temperature after I ovulated to see if it was high as high temperatures could mean that I was pregnant. I misinterpreted the results and thought that my faith had paid off. But the pregnancy test said negative again. And I cried again.

Some friends told me that it takes about three months to fall pregnant. Others told me that I needed to try for 6-12 months before I started to worry. This goes sorely against my personality. As a child I was a pessimist. Even though I have become less pessimistic as an adult, I still have bouts of anxiety and telling me not to worry is not really helpful.

I had another period at the end of October which began our third cycle of trying. All three months we had sex regularly during the ovulation window. In fact we have always had pretty regular sex. But this third month was when I started to feel concerned that one of the main reasons I hadn’t conceived was because I don’t orgasm every time we have sex. I made sure that I masturbated-to-orgasm a few times after sex when JD had orgasmed and I hadn’t. We even used a pornographic video once or twice to help me orgasm during sex. I also went to see an acupuncturist that month, hoping that acupuncture would stimulate the area.

My Pastor prayed for us to conceive a baby while in America, but I decided to play it cool and not really get my hopes up. My period came a day after Thanksgiving (the week we arrived in America) signalling the end of the 3rd cycle and beginning of the 4th. Sex in America was interrupted a few times by family and I orgasmed very little. I ate crappy food and consumed alcohol a few times (for the first time since July) on occasions that I was certain I was not pregnant. I counted the days of my cycle and I could tell that I had PMS the week leading up to Christmas. I was fairly confident that I was not pregnant. Confident enough not to bother taking a pregnancy test. I got a little excited on Christmas Eve when my period was 3 days late, but then that haughty gift, all wrapped in red, arrived on my vaginal doorstep and announced: “You’re not pregnant: merry Christmas to you!”

Despite not getting my hopes up I still cried to my husband. “I had plans! I wanted to be able to tell my students that I would only be teaching for the next 6 months. Everybody is looking at me, waiting for me to announce that I’m going to have a baby because I’ve told people my plans. This is so embarrassing!”

We flew out of America a week later. My period had recently ended and I was about to ovulate again. The idea occurred to me that if I conceived a baby in January it could be born on my husband’s birthday in early October, or even 55 years to the day after my mother’s birthday in late September. That got me excited. I wondered if God and my deceased Mum had concocted a plan that this would be the month I would conceive.

A friend had advised me to keep my legs elevated for 10 minutes after sex. And we had great sex after arriving home from America. We were still on holidays from work (summer holidays in Australia). So we had sex 8 times in 6 days and I orgasmed 7 of those times—a first for me! I elevated my legs for 10 minutes after sex all 8 times and it was very clearly my ovulation window. I felt a sense of peaceful, spiritual hope.

Nonetheless, my hopes were dashed the other day when a doctor revealed the results of my blood test. NEGATIVE. Five months trying and still not pregnant. Mum isn’t sending me a baby to be born on her birthday and I am angry at God because I feel like this is a repeat of what happened with my desire to get married. I dreamed of getting married and having kids since I was nine years old, yet it took until the age of 30 to find the right man for me. I resented the wait. I cried to God so many times, complaining that I wanted and needed a husband, month after month, year after year. No amount of hysterics on my part brought my husband to me any sooner.

Now I am 34. I am pushing the boundaries of a healthy age to have children. I would have liked to have had them in my twenties. My body feels a lot older and tireder now and I don’t think I could handle as many children at this age as I could have handled if I were younger. Plus, if I’d known it would take so long to fall pregnant I would have started at least six months earlier! To be honest, I am feeling very resentful.

Why am I experiencing essentially the same emotions I felt when I was single? Fear that it will never happen. Impatience in the waiting. Feeling robbed of my plans, hopes and dreams. I’m getting exactly the same advice from people: “If you just stop caring it will happen.” “The more you think about it, the less likely it will happen.” “Surrender / relax and if it is meant to be, it will be.” I must not have learned my spiritual lesson the first time because I feel only anger and bitterness when I hear remarks like this.

I am a passionate person! Passionate people don’t give up. Passionate people don’t say “Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.” Passionate people don’t just lie back and let life take its course. Passionate people take the bull by the horns and try to make something of their lives. We work hard. We pursue our dreams. Even though I complained about being single, I achieved a heck of a lot in my single years. I wrote and published 3 novels. I took 8th grade and certificate of performance piano examinations which required hours and hours of practise. I recorded songs. I built my own business as a piano teacher. I cared for my sick mother. I did volunteer work and church ministry. I studied. I read. I wrote controversial blogs…

My life is still not where I wanted it to be in terms of a writing career. Nor in terms of becoming a mother. So, do I just throw my hands up in the air and “let it go?” When Elsa let it go, it meant surrendering to who she actually was, not giving up on what she wanted and who she was.

And yet I feel this spiritual pull to relax more. To open my hand and let things come and go with a bit less control and planning on my part. Life is so complicated. I am walking a fine line between holding on to my passion—who I am and what I want out of life—and embracing a more “que sera, sera” attitude.

I feel that this is a battle I must fight on my own. I may be liable to choke the next person who tells me to “just relax” and “let it go,”—even if it’s my husband! If that is what I am meant to do, then it is going to take a concerted effort on God’s part and mine to renew my mind, changing the way that I think and approach life.

So that is where I am at. Frustrated and resentful. Disappointed and sad. Balancing passion and relaxation. Taking my vitamins. Visiting the naturopath. Back to a low sugar diet. Exercising regularly. I’ve already lost 1 kilo / 2 pounds since coming back from America. No alcohol. No coffee. I have a gynaecology appointment at the end of the month: the beginning of cycle 6. Debating whether to have acupuncture or do yoga or something.

Trying to have a baby.