Relationships

The sad truth is that not all relationship issues will be resolved this side of eternity…

I recently lost a friend who I thought I would have for life or at least for a long time to come. She was a spiritual advisor, a mother-figure, someone whom I thought knew me very well and I thought I could be honest with. She and I are heterosexual females, so I am talking from my perspective on a same-sex friendship between two straight women.

Sometimes when you become emotionally intimate with a person and they see start to see your true colours, people can choose to reject who you are. Then we have choices to make. Do we go back to putting on a façade and keeping people at a safe emotional distance or do we continue to be vulnerable, honest and imperfect with people we want to be closer to and learn how to trust?

It’s heart breaking to lose a deep friendship and sometimes it feels easier to put walls up and only go so deep with another person. But ultimately we all want to be loved, and I think, when it boils down to it, we want to be loved despite our imperfections; for who we really are in our sinfulness and brokenness.

I am learning to prefer being both loved and hated for who I am than quasi-loved for who I’m not.

I have come to the conclusion that when a person hates you it is because of an insecurity or issue inside of them. They may have legitimate reasons because of a fault in our behaviour toward them, and I am not saying that I was not at fault in my relationship with my friend. But none of us can force people to love and forgive us.

I know that, for me personally, one day I will receive hate mail for my understanding of God and the things that I believe about him – the things that I will write in my books. I may be accused of being the antichrist or being antichristian. However I have learnt a powerful lesson this week that I will try my best to hold onto: it is not my fault! Even if I have done wrong or do wrong, it is another person’s choice to be offended and to hate.

I am not saying that I do not have any responsibility or any power or any faults, of course I have all of these things. I am not perfect. I can sin against a person and that is MY FAULT. I am talking about the other person’s response. Their response is their responsibility.

Thank God that one day all things will be made new; every tear wiped from every eye and every relationship made whole again.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known – 1 Corinthians 13:12.

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