Category: Emotional Personal Blogs

What is my Motivation for being Christian?

Posted on by Elissa Anne

I’ve been asked this question a few times in light of the fact that I’m a universalist. What is the point if we are all going to be saved anyway? Why should we “obey” if God forgives unconditionally? Why don’t we just do whatever we want?

For me it is all about relationship. Intimacy. LOVE. I need love outside of myself, my family and my friends. Human love is often so empty in comparison to understanding at a heart level, that I am unconditionally loved and accepted by God.

In extension, when love is my centre, I pursue healthier choices in my lifestyle. I am not motivated by a need for God’s approval, a desire to score points or to “maintain my salvation.” Nor am I motivated by fear of “hell.”

Living in a love-relationship with God produces the fruit of love. God enables me to show more acceptance, forgiveness and love because he has given this to me.

So what is your motivation for being a Christian?

Tearing Down Facades

Posted on by Elissa Anne

They drew a picture of me
But it looked all so wrong
My nose was far too round
And my hair was far too long
They drew a picture of me
But it wasn’t me at all
My face looked round and fat
And I was much too tall
They drew a picture of me
And it was very strange
My skin was very pale
My freckles out of range
Why did they draw that picture?
Was it really what they saw?
They haven’t looked too hard
For that isn’t me at all

I read this poem to my class in high-school. What they didn’t realise is that I was screaming for attention. I was trying to tell them: “I’m not who you think I am.” I put on a façade of being happy, but I was spiralling into depression. I was well behaved and moral on the surface, but on the inside I felt guilty and dirty all the time. I used to criticise people for swearing, but by 17 I was the biggest swearing hypocrite of all. I was interviewed for a magazine about abstaining from sex before marriage and later became addicted to masturbation and felt I had no one to talk to about it.

We all wear facades. But some facades, if not most/all, become oppressive. Trying to be a perfect (self-righteous) Christian as a teenager and young adult, drove me to depression, anxiety, shame, secrets, facades, lies.

In the future (which begins now) I want to write authentically about who I am and who I have been. I want to bleed out my guilt and learn how to truly accept myself. I want to speak to the church about why facades are unhealthy.

We need to start having healthy conversations about sex, masturbation, pornography, homosexuality. If we can’t be honest within the church – where can we be honest? If we can’t be accepted by our Christian peers – where can we be accepted?

Jesus was called a drunkard because he partied with drunkards.
Jesus was accused of breaking the Sabbath because he didn’t follow the rules the way people wanted him to.
Jesus’ mother was called a slut, yet Jesus cherished her and told John to look after his mum when he died.
Jesus talked about eunuchs being “born that way” and who’s to say he wasn’t talking about gay people?
Jesus forgave adulterers and hung out with prostitutes. Did you know that when Mary anointed Jesus’ feet with oil she was following a common ritual of prostitutes when they seduce a man? Jesus called it an act of worship and said she would be remembered forever. He wasn’t ashamed of her lack of understanding that this could “look” pornographic to the other people in the room.
Jesus accepted people.
Jesus called the self-righteous “white-washed tombs” because they were clean on the outside and filthy on the inside.

I was like that white-washed tomb in high-school. I’m probably still like that. I still wish I was perfect. I still want you to think that I’m a nice person, I have morals, I’m polite. I try to be these things.

But my desire to admit that I’m not perfect is starting to win out. I want to talk about depression and anxiety. I want to talk about my sexuality. I want to break my facades down piece by piece. And even when I am criticised, I want to rest in the love and acceptance that God has for me. I want to emanate that love and acceptance to everyone, as much as I can – I’m pretty shit at it though. For that I apologise.

I dare you to join me in becoming naked and vulnerable, and to change the way we do “church” and “Christianity.”

Expressing Anger Before Sunset

Posted on by Elissa Anne

“Faking it and lying to one another was part of your old life; now truth remains the constant inspiration in your every conversation. We are related to one another … Even if you think you have a valid excuse, do not let anger dominate your day! If you don’t deal with it immediately, the sun sets and your day becomes one of lost opportunity …”

As a child, I used to think that the expression: “Do not let the sun go down while you are angry” meant that I should learn to let anger go and simply forgive. This resulted in my suppressing anger and not really knowing how to deal with it other than to sulk, cuss and pray on my own. I did not confront people when I felt angry with them. I preferred to run away and hide.

Yet at closer examination, Ephesians 4:25-26 where this expression is quoted (from Psalm 4:4), does not encourage suppression of anger or mere personal-prayer forgiveness of the party we feel angry toward. Verse 25 talks about honest expression of anger.

Even society in general seems to discourage honest discussion about anger. Society prefers gossip over confrontation. Verbal expression of anger in an appropriate way to the person, is healthier for the relationship than suppression of anger, gossip or avoidance!

Counsellors today advise that when we need to confront situations that result in anger within us, we need to take ownership rather than blame:
“I feel angry because I thought that you were going to do XYZ. And when that did not pan out, my plans were affected by your behaviour,” as opposed to “You said you were going to do XYZ, but you didn’t, so this is all your fault!”

The quote above is the Mirror Bible version of Ephesians 4:25-26. Here is my paraphrase: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Stop lying and tell the truth about your anger to the person you feel angry toward, because we are one family.”

Seasons

Posted on by Elissa Anne

When cancer and disease, insomnia and anxiety seem to be ravaging the lives of so many of my friends right now
I have something to say.

Firstly, my heart breaks for you, as I remember what it was like to walk through the seasons of sickness, suffering and death with my mother for 4 years (and wondering if it would ever come to an end, one way or another).

But I say to you:
Hold on baby
Grace is here for you
And more grace is coming.
The season of sickness, suffering and death will surely come to an end.

I woke up this morning to pre-dawn spring. Cherry blossoms fill the streets and there are tiny green buds on the weeping willow trees at Werrington Lake. I personally am in the season of new life and adventure after 4 years of walking with my mother through illness, followed by 2 years of different waves and stages of grief.
I live in Australia where winter is rapidly giving way to spring, but there is no point comparing my stage of life with yours. You don’t live in my world of personal experience.

If you are deep in the season of Winter and you can’t see the end in sight, and you are tempted to give up hope – remember the promise of seasons:
Spring will ALWAYS come again.
And so will Winter (for those of us in Spring).

There is a time for everything
And a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time for war. A time to love.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Surely your love will follow me!
(Psalm 23:4,6) Weeping may last throughout the night
But joy comes in the morning.
(Psalm 30:5)

Fix your eyes on Jesus
Who also endured, suffering the cross.
(Hebrews 12:2)

Set your minds on things above
Where your life is hidden with Christ
And He is coming for you!
(Colossians 3:2-4)

Lift up your eyes

Your help comes from Jesus
The Saviour of the world!
(Psalm 121:1-2, John 4:42)

I’m paraphrasing, but I hope this touches someone today.

Hold on baby
Spring is coming
Joy is coming
Jesus is coming for you!